in 13 days, i will have graduated college. part of me is exciting! i have a job that literally starts the monday after i graduate. i am moving home to save money (and get away from a roommate that is hell on earth.. R brings out the trash, does the dishes, cleans up, and even buys more t.p. than she does and he doesn’t even officially live here!). i have a new coaching job that i am very happy with.
but in 6 days, i am done being a student athlete. that’s not something that i want to give up. i want to win a race so fucking badly. we should have won on saturday. i cried the rest of the day. second place is also known as the first losers.
in 13 days, i don’t know if i’m going to be a girlfriend anymore (if R wants to know why i want a ring/promise ring so badly it’s because no matter what ends up happening between us, i want something to remember forever that someone/R loves me because whatever happens, no one is going to love me as much as he loves me and i’m the worst girlfriend ever most of the time).
i need these last 2 weeks to slow the fuck down. i need to get some answers from R but i’m afraid to ask because i’m afraid of what the answer is. i would be okay with these next 2 weeks never ending because i am terrified of the future. absolutely terrified.