a day in the sun

i took a day for me and i only cried twice (which is a personal record in the past 2 weeks!)!! i spent the first part of my morning at practice and honestly there is no better way to start a day than in a boat that trusts you and swings together and goes fast while drinking a coffee and watching the sunrise. ugh. i wish i could capture mornings like these and store them away for when i need a burst of happiness.

after practice, i spent the mid-morning laying out in my backyard reading books and drinking a mike’s hard lemonade. yeah it might have been 10am but let’s be honest. those are 100% more sugar than alcohol! i’m rediscovering my love of reading and getting lost in a good book. if anyone has any suggestions please lmk!!! i’m always on the search for a new book.

i ended the day at the beach with my brother (J) and some new friends i’ve made because one thing i want to do this summer is make more friends. it was a bit awkward but it was still fun. it was a great day to be at a beach. plus like i was enjoying myself and didn’t even think about how i was feeling in a swim suit which is huge i was just trying to make sure the frisbee didn’t hit me in the face and i didn’t fall into the water!

today was a good day. i can have good days i just need to make them good.

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summer’s not just for sinning

i went to a park today to go for a run and visit the memorial bench of an old friend. it’s such a beautiful place to spend an afternoon. i had a lot to think about today, a big one being coming to terms with how i’ve been handling things lately and how i really haven’t been taking care of myself. so boys be damned this summer (and after R read my message he’s pretty peeved so idk what’s happening there so much fucking drama) i’m gong to learn to love me. if you asked me to list things i like about myself the list would be short and superficial. i am a good coxswain, i’m a good teacher, i’m good an annoying people, i’m good at crying, i’m good at binge watching netflix shows. if you asked me to list things i dislike about myself the list would be long and taxing and i’d really be able to show you how good i am at crying.

but, like, it shouldn’t be that way!!!! i need to learn to love myself. i need to learn to put me first. i need to learn what i want and do what i want. i need to spend the summer getting to know myself because that’s something i haven’t done in a long time and it’s something i think that i need. i’m going to travel, i’m going to learn how to do brush lettering (i’m really not too terrible for only doing it a few times), i’m going to smile, i’m going to go out with friends and stop cancelling because it’s always fun in the end.

summer’s not just for sinning, it’s also for learning to love, learning to live, and learning to let go